Shibumi Media

Dearest Tamara,

At 3:30 one afternoon not long ago I walked from the bottom to the top of a place called Smoke Bomb Hill at Ft. Bragg. It has been a place where I’ve made quite a few decisions about my life, and some were made for me. It’s not really a hill, just a rise in elevation with several hills that encompass the John F. Kennedy Special Warfare Center. In this place, the decision is made to trust you with the information and training that can destroy governments, change societies, and destroy the lives of people when the elected leaders of this country decide that they have fouled things up so bad that force is the only way to bring things back to an even keel.

Only true believers need know about this place; those ready to pay the ultimate price for the way of life they believe in; those of us that can make it alone if that’s what’s required, and to even be ready to live without the love or understanding of our families, peers, and women in order to keep an ideal alive. Here is where you learn to do the harsh things, those things usually hidden from the view of the people – those people that believe that freedom is a natural progression – that good ultimately triumphs all by itself. In this place you learn the truth; that even a nation conceived in liberty must by endlessly ransomed by the blood of its patriots. This place is where I became the man you know.

We didn’t do too bad. In spite of taking in untold immigrants from every hate soaked, war torn place on this planet, this country has actually institutionalized freedom. No paramilitaries patrol American streets; no secret police monitor phones, or secretly open mail, or hire or intimidate neighbors to tattle. Even our dubious courts have fostered it, probably unintentionally, by instilling the highly dubious assumption that for every wrong or problem there exists a remedy; and not a remedy in the next life, but one right here and now. Every one thinks that someone will listen to their bitches and grievances; newspapers and editors will waste ink, idle minds will sympathize, and politicians will run their mouth. America goes on, and will do quite well without my assistance or even presence or approval.

I quit.

Today I made the decision to change. I will no longer live in the past that this place represents. I want to live and love as a normal human being lives and loves. I have sacrificed almost everything I’ve known and loved for people that use me when they want. I’m not saying I have just regrets; I’m saying that I don’t feel that I owe anymore.

If you will have me I’ll make the attempt to give you your dreams. I’ll believe in you and you alone from now on. You’ve shown me more loyalty and honor than an entire country – more than I really deserve, so I’ll stand by you until hell freezes over. You are about to find out what commitment is. I’ll make you a deal: If you will help me get home someday I’ll do what ever it takes to give you what you wish.

This decision is final. Whatever you decide to do, it’s not just you anymore. When you feel like the world is in your face, just put your hand out, and you’ll find me there. You’re going to find that the only way anyone will defeat you is to be bad enough to walk over me first. There are people in cemeteries in 6 different countries who have tried that. It may happen, but it just happens to be a level of competence that hasn’t been reached by anyone … yet.

Here are some mental “rules of the road” I want you to consider. One more time:

Your chance for success in life doesn’t necessarily depend on ability or training or education or luck. It depends on your determination, your commitment to grab the opportunities presented you. They come by creation, not by chance. You, young lady, have created every one of them, either now or in the past. So, you’ve earned them, why not take advantage of them? Use them. You have the natural abilities to overcome everything in your way. You have the power of will and of thought. These are divine gifts. Your success depends on your habits of thought and will. Which, when you look in the mirror of your soul is the strongest – success or failure? If you are always negative, just an occasional positive thought is not going to be sufficient to attract success. Right thinking will give you your goal even when things look their worst. I don’t tell you that this is easy; just that it can be done. It won’t be your passing thoughts of inspiration that make this happen. It won’t be those fleeting, brilliant ideas you have, though you will have them, that make you or break you. It will be your everyday, mental habits that will do it, or not. By these you will attract the things and people and circumstances that will define your winning or losing. Commitment = will power + continuous activity. Just think: without will power you cannot walk, talk, work, think, or feel . It is the flowing stream of all your actions, even when you just move your fingers. It is not possible to live without using this force. Remember: if you cling to a certain thought with this will power, it will assume a tangible outward form; and will teach you that you control your destiny.

There is conscious will and mechanical will; mechanical will being the unthinking use of this power, but conscious will is the combination of determination and effort. Conscious will is developed by your determination to do things in life you think you cannot do. You develop this by doing simple things at first, until your will becomes more dynamic and your confidence strengthens, then you aim for higher goals. You select; then commit, then refuse to submit to failure. Master one thing at a time with your will, not scattering your energies, and don’t leave a thing half done to begin a new venture. And don’t make the common mistake of concentrating and constantly worrying about the bad mental habits you have, just avoid everything that stimulated them.

Your worst enemy is fear. Why have I wanted you to eventually jump out of an airplane with me? It is because I want to do something that destroys your fear. Fear exhausts your life, and yes, your very jing, your mental and sexual energy, and it is the greatest enemy of will. It squeezes out the life force … the jing … that normally flows steadily through your nerves. It paralyses the very vitality of your life force. Fear does not help you protect yourself, or help you to get away from the object of fear. A tremendous amount of life energy is required for everything that you do, the workings of your bodily organs – heart, lungs, nervous system, even taking a piss. It is drained and weakened by fear, and causes your brain to send inhibiting messages even to your bodily organs, and what it does to your mental abilities and energy is even more destructive.

To overcome this you must give your life the committed goal treatment. A wish is desire without energy. After a wish must come intent – the goal. After that comes will, which means: “I will act until I get my wish.” Passivity will not cut it; only by will do your release jing, or life energy. Remember this: all great achievements in the lives of those who greatly achieved were generally regarded as making something out of nothing. So you live with the limits that you choose to identify as limits. You must learn not to wait for your circumstances to change; thinking that in them lies your trouble. This is the biggest cop-out in human capriciousness.

Don’t be afraid of failing sometimes, because this is only temporary. To fail only means that you need to reorient, and analyze why.

And think of this: Why am I still alive? Because I never, ever quit. Failure is no decree of fate, but surrender certainly is. Success or failure is the just result of what you have done in the past, PLUS what you do now. Train yourself to reject the thought of failure or surrender and you will always, eventually win. Always try once more! New efforts after apparent failure always bring new growth, and are the only way to “find another way to win”.

When you decide to commit: sit quietly, calm your mind and senses, and meditate deeply. Use the things I have tried to teach you to focus your spiritual nature, because that is the only way you will direct yourself by your true nature. Build up, accumulate, and focus your jing and your will. It is only by committing everything – your whole being – your true and total commitment, that you will truly blossom and prevail. Existence is futile if you do not find happiness in the accomplishment of your goal – which is the only true dream I have of, or for, you – because if your peace of mind is lost you have lost the greatest treasure of all. And remember: your destiny can only be performed by you, and even that can only be called success if it serves your fellow man.

Spirituality does not reward or punish you, it will just show you the dichotomy of the choice of the use or misuse of your own reason and will power. It doesn’t depend on external conditions but on mental attitudes. You have power that you don’t realize, but it can only be realized if you release it – if you do, more will come. Faith is the one thing I can’t give you, even if I were to try to beat it into you.

Decide! You are responsible. When the final reckoning comes, you are the only one that will answer for your deeds. If I haven’t taught you this by now I have failed. But then, failure is only temporary with me. Because nothing but death can make me quit. I love you, and I intend to stay on your ass until one of two things happen: either you shoot me and tell me to go to hell, or hug me and thank me. Though you may have an ass whipping coming from time to time, don’t resent it. Love is tough, but it’s the only thing worth having. That you’ll have from me. There are rocky times ahead, and there will be times when you think you have to beg the world to love you – but remember: with me you don’t ask.

You have everything going for you. I don’t want to hear you tell me you have obstacles, that you are disadvantaged for any reason whatsoever. That’s against the rules now. You are young and beautiful, intelligent, healthy, and you live in the one country in the world where there is nothing in your way that you don’t put there.

And one more thing while I’m chewing your butt: Why can’t I have a picture of you? Is that too much to ask?

With regards,

Dad